What Would You Feel If...
...your 16-month old baby (not 14-month as previously posted) rejects you and clings tightly to her yaya instead?
I'll tell you. I felt frustrated and heart-broken.
For several days now, Zoe wants to be with the yaya and only the yaya. When we arrive home and find her awake, I could already see that it's gonna be a tough night. She just wouldn't let her yaya out of her sight even if I'm there. She even prefers to sleep in the maids' quarters or in the playpen with the yaya instead of with us in the room. When I attempt to get (sometimes even grab) her from the yaya, she cries like crazy and push me away (masakit physically and emotionally ito grabe).
Last night, I felt that I had had enough and in my helplessness, I tried to envelope her in my arms so that she will stay put and forget that she was seeking her yaya. No amount of distraction or sing-song could calm her. I thought after a few minutes this would stop but no, she shouts, cries endlessly and even pushes my face so hard that I too cried, shouted and had the impulse to push her away from me. I found myself saying to myself "ayoko na, dun ka na sa yaya mo". Her dad also tried to make her stop crying. At first, subtle lang, then when she tried to get out of bed, shout, bang the door and tried to reach for the knob, hay, her dad also didn't know what else to do. I embraced her once more and cried with her some more for another hour or so until both of us got so tired and fell asleep.
The next morning, she wakes up as if nothing happened. Her dad gives her again to yaya while mommy takes a bath and prepares to go to work. As I carry my bag downstairs, she goes to me and ask to be carried while I try to hurdle with my breakfast. Then it's bye-bye time once again.
I feel for my child. This situation is still too complicated for her - it's the yaya who takes care of her the whole day, feed her, bathe her, put her to sleep, etc. etc. and it's mommy and daddy who literally just accompany her when she sleeps at night (while they sleep too!!!). When you think about it, it indeed looks unfair to demand that she like us or at least like being with us since most of the day, her dad and I are away at work. She may have felt disoriented that we sort of "claim" her from the yaya the moment we arrive home that's why she develops these tantrums.
It's really heartbreaking but I don't know what else to do. I love my job and enjoy working but it pains me to see my baby experience mommy-less days in her critical growing up years. Do you think I'm selfish to want to work instead of being stay-at-home? I laud those mommies who decided to resign to be with their kids but sometimes I feel that I'm not as brave as them or that if I do it, I'll get lonely.
p.s. Sorry to be writing these personal rants. :-<
I'll tell you. I felt frustrated and heart-broken.
For several days now, Zoe wants to be with the yaya and only the yaya. When we arrive home and find her awake, I could already see that it's gonna be a tough night. She just wouldn't let her yaya out of her sight even if I'm there. She even prefers to sleep in the maids' quarters or in the playpen with the yaya instead of with us in the room. When I attempt to get (sometimes even grab) her from the yaya, she cries like crazy and push me away (masakit physically and emotionally ito grabe).
Last night, I felt that I had had enough and in my helplessness, I tried to envelope her in my arms so that she will stay put and forget that she was seeking her yaya. No amount of distraction or sing-song could calm her. I thought after a few minutes this would stop but no, she shouts, cries endlessly and even pushes my face so hard that I too cried, shouted and had the impulse to push her away from me. I found myself saying to myself "ayoko na, dun ka na sa yaya mo". Her dad also tried to make her stop crying. At first, subtle lang, then when she tried to get out of bed, shout, bang the door and tried to reach for the knob, hay, her dad also didn't know what else to do. I embraced her once more and cried with her some more for another hour or so until both of us got so tired and fell asleep.
The next morning, she wakes up as if nothing happened. Her dad gives her again to yaya while mommy takes a bath and prepares to go to work. As I carry my bag downstairs, she goes to me and ask to be carried while I try to hurdle with my breakfast. Then it's bye-bye time once again.
I feel for my child. This situation is still too complicated for her - it's the yaya who takes care of her the whole day, feed her, bathe her, put her to sleep, etc. etc. and it's mommy and daddy who literally just accompany her when she sleeps at night (while they sleep too!!!). When you think about it, it indeed looks unfair to demand that she like us or at least like being with us since most of the day, her dad and I are away at work. She may have felt disoriented that we sort of "claim" her from the yaya the moment we arrive home that's why she develops these tantrums.
It's really heartbreaking but I don't know what else to do. I love my job and enjoy working but it pains me to see my baby experience mommy-less days in her critical growing up years. Do you think I'm selfish to want to work instead of being stay-at-home? I laud those mommies who decided to resign to be with their kids but sometimes I feel that I'm not as brave as them or that if I do it, I'll get lonely.
p.s. Sorry to be writing these personal rants. :-<
Comments
you're actually voicing out one of my greatest fears.. na mas piliin ng baby ang yaya nya kesa sakin. I've been reading on sahm essays and career moms through this book and one thing i've learned so far is that a happy parent makes a happy child. so even if you decided to be a sahm and yet you're heart is not into it, more likely it wouldn't help making zoe happier.
what i usually do is spend quality time and be a hands-on parent on weekends, make it sure we had fun even on simple ways. i'm sure you'll think of something you'll both like doing :)
i'm so sorry to hear this; i know all parents out there ito ang fear.
hang in there, everything will be ok. ur not a bad mom.
hi kitts, after reflecting about it, i think this happened din because we have a very long bonding time when we took a vacation to iloilo last week. siguro nag-adjust din sya since all that time, ako lang ang kasama nya and now it's back to the yaya again. :-) tnks for the tip about the book!
hi pat! hirap talaga noh? but i need to live with it or really try to look for an alternative solution. i'm praying...
hi van! thanks for the comment. hopefully things will get clearer. i'm actually eyeing on getting a new job that offers flexitime. it's so much better than my present job location and work hours. pls. pray for me!! thanks again!!!
We also had this stage same as Zoe's age when it's only the yaya that can put Andres to sleep pero once we are home samin nakabuntot only the sleeping thing, really hurts but you know what eventually Andres learned that ako ang Mama. It took some time but when he got the realization ay naku makita niya lang ako goodbye yaya na talaga. What we did is for some time we still let yaya put him to sleep then after that tatabi na ako but I make sure that it will be or Jett that he will see in the morning.. I think that really helped.
Maayos din yan... :)
hugs sis!